The Light in the Closet

Lucy’s Room

Lucy lived in one of those old houses that looked as grand on the inside as it did on the outside. When you walked in, you were greeted by a warm entryway. Directly in front of you was a staircase. If you looked up you could see all the way to the third floor. This made it very convenient for her mother to call her to supper. As you ascended you wondered if the stairs would ever end. They did, of course, all staircases end, but where they lead to is not so definite. Upon reaching the top you were breathless from the climb and by the sight you saw. For there was a door opened just a sliver and from within it, a light streamed into the hall.  If you weren’t careful you might be blinded as you opened the door because the light was brighter and more abundant inside the room. This was Lucy’s room.

The room was a typical room with typical furnishings, so that was not the source of the great light. Scattered around the room, on the walls, dressers, and tables there were mirrors of all shapes and sizes. Lucy had never counted them, but by estimation there were about fifty. Light came in from three windows and bounced off one mirror to another and another and another until it shot through an opposite window. By the time one beam of light made it all the way through the room there were several following it, so the room was never dark. Lucy made sure that she never missed a minute of the miracle in her room. Lucy had a secret. 

It may seem odd for a girl to collect mirrors, but Lucy had good reason for her strange hobby. When she was very small, she lived in the same room that she always had. Everything in her room was just the same, even the pink closet. Only one thing was different; her walls, table, and dresser were strangers to mirrors. Instead of a mirror, her table kept a little flashlight that she could use if she needed. But most times Lucy did not use it. She was a fearless little girl. Not even the dark could scare her. 

 

Flashlights and Mirrors

That day, she was not using the flashlight, and it was sitting on her shelf collecting dust. She was playing in her closet, as always and the door was open so that she could come in and out as she played hospital. But that day, her three windows were open, and it was windy. As Lucy drove the ambulance into the closet, a gust of wind blew in and slammed the door so swiftly that the lock shifted into place. Lucy was trapped. She was not panicked at first because she thought she could get out. But when she tried the door and it would not budge, the small girl became afraid. Her closet that was always a place to be free was now a prison. She could not escape to go anywhere! The dark got darker as time passed. Lucy was only in the closet for about an hour, but for the poor child, it felt like an entire day. When her mother called her for dinner, she did not respond. Her mother climbed up the stairs to find an empty room, but there was a faint sobbing coming from the closet. Lucy’s mother understood what had happened and immediately opened the closet door to save her daughter. Lucy was terrified and all she could do was cry as her mother rocked her until she fell asleep. Ever since that day, Lucy had been terrified of the dark.

Lucy woke up the next morning to find the closet door opened, she jumped out of bed, shut the door and locked it, but that was not enough. Her trunk was on the other side of the room, but Lucy decided it needed to block the door so it could not open. She struggled half the morning moving it across the room. It must have been difficult since it was a heavy trunk, and Lucy was small. When her mother came to wake her up, she found Lucy playing with her toys outside of the closet instead of her usual place, and she also noticed the trunk’s relocation. 

She asked Lucy, “Are you okay, dear?”

 Lucy replied, “Yes Mommy, I’m okay.” 

Her mother replied, “Well, I know you were scared yesterday, and I just wanted to make sure you are okay.”

Lucy said, “I am not scared of anything, Mommy.” 

Her mother nodded and made a note of the change in her daughter and the furniture; that information might be useful to her one day. If Lucy did not want to talk about what had happened that was okay.

Her mother simply said, “If you want to talk, I will listen.” 

Lucy nodded her head and went back to her toys. 

When her father came home, her mother told him about the closet, and he thought of something to help Lucy recover.  He entered Lucy’s room with his hands behind his back. 

“Hey, Lu,” he said, “I heard you had a little scare yesterday.”

“Did not,” she asserted. 

“Well, I brought you something anyway,” he said as he pulled out a small mirror from behind his back.  

“You can shine your flashlight on it so there are two lights instead of just one,” he explained and showed Lucy the trick in the mirror. She was delighted and placed the mirror on her bedside table. 

Every so often her father would bring home a new kind of mirror for Lucy. Some were oddly shaped, some were big, and others we small, but Lucy gratefully accepted all of them and added them to her collection. The more mirrors she had, the less dark there would be. 

 

A Curious Knocking

Three years after the tragic event, Lucy was still afraid of the dark and her mirrors were still her comfort. Every night, Lucy’s mother tucked Lucy in and turned out the light. Just as her mother turned out the light, Lucy flipped on her flashlight and flickered it from one mirror to another to keep her safe. Her mother did not know this, or so Lucy thought.

One night she was about to fall asleep and turn off her flashlight, when there was a knock from inside her closet door. She scanned the room with her flashlight and shined it on the door, waiting for another knock. But there were no more knocks. She must have imagined it. She ignored it and went to sleep. 

The next night the same thing happened, so she climbed out of bed to investigate. She decided to move the toy box. She pushed and shoved until the wooden box was just past the door. Lucy saw a light creeping out from under the door. She was scared because there were no lights in the closet; it had always been dark. However, she was less afraid of a lit closet than a dark one, so she slowly opened the door. As she opened it, the light began to fade. When the door was completely open, the light went out. Lucy jumped, she was in the dark again, and she did not have her flashlight! She slammed the door shut and fumbled her way back to bed searching for her flashlight. She scrambled under her covers and clicked on her flashlight. She was safe. 

She woke up the next morning, and her flashlight was on the floor, turned off. She reached down and tried to turn it on, but it wouldn’t. It needed new batteries. She hurried downstairs to find some. 

She found a brand new package, so she knew that they would work. She slipped them into the flashlight and ran to her room to test it. She turned out all of her lights and “click.” It wouldn’t work!

She went down to breakfast, and as her mother is pouring her juice she asked, “Mom, can you get me a new flashlight, mine’s broken?”

Her mother responded, “Of course, but can Mommy look at it first to make sure it is broken?”

 “Yes,” said Lucy. 

After breakfast, her mother followed her up all three flights of stairs to check on her flashlight. The flashlight worked for her mother; she said Lucy didn’t need a new one. Lucy was astounded. How can it work for her mother, but not for her? She was not going to challenge her mother, so she let it go. 

Her mother said, “ Why do you need a flashlight anyway?” 

Lucy said, “No reason, I just need it in case of an emergency; it is always good to be prepared.”

But her mother was very observant, like all mothers are and she looked at the closet with the pink door and saw that the trunk had been moved from in front of it. You see, Lucy thought she kept her secret well hidden, but her mother knew despite Lucy’s attempt sto hide it. Her mother knew that there was more to the mirrors than a fondness for reflections, and she had a feeling the trunk in front of the closet had a purpose. Her mother left the room with a slightly upturned mouth.  Lucy picked up her flash and tried to turn it on, but it still did not work.

Lessons

Lucy went about her day as usual, but  worried about what she would do at bedtime. That night, she made sure she fell asleep before her mother turned out the lights.

A knock woke her in the middle of the night. She ignored it, but someone (or something) kept knocking. Lucy did not want to open that closet, especially without her flashlight, but the constant knocking gave her no choice.

She opened her eyes and sat in her bed for a good while so that her eyes adjusted to the dark. When they did, she slowly climbed out of her bed and crept over to the closet, where she saw the same light coming out from under the door. Holding her breath, she opened the door slightly. This time the light did not go out, but stayed bright as Lucy entered the closet. Lucy didn’t know why she was going back into the closet, but she went in there and shut the door. 

What her eyes saw was amazing, and at first she couldn’t believe it. But after a few strong pinches, to make sure she wasn’t asleep, Lucy knew it was real. Her hospital toys were still in there, but they were moving! There was an ambulance driving in circles and three hospital people chasing after it. As Lucy watched them play, the lights grew dimmer. Finally, it was completely dark, but Lucy was entranced by her toys and didn’t notice. When they stopped moving, she realized that it was dark and gasped. A streak of panic ran through her. This is what she had dreaded for so long, but she did not move. She closed her eyes, hoping the lights would come back on. 

When she opened them, she was inside the ambulance. The siren was on, and they were speeding off somewhere. She guessed that they were going to the hospital; was there something wrong with her?

The driver took a sharp turn and they zoomed into a tunnel. Lucy looked out the back window and saw streams of light: purple, blue, red and yellow. After a few minutes of what felt like being sucked up by a vacuum, the ambulance slammed on the brakes. Instead of being jerked and staying in the ambulance, Lucy flew out the top and sailed into the night sky. She went higher and higher until she flew among the stars. She held her hands in front of her face hoping she didn’t hit a star. As soon as she thought it, she ran smack into one. 

“Ow” someone cried, but it was not Lucy. Running into a star doesn’t hurt, it tickles. 

“Hello?” Lucy called, not knowing who or what could have said that. 

“You should watch where you are going, I don’t know how many times I have gotten hit by humans, but it is never pleasant. You are all so bony.” 

“Excuse me,” Lucy said “I’ve never flown before, and I don’t know where I am and it’s dark,” her voice quivered. 

“No it’s not, look at me shining brightly.” stated the star. 

“Yeah, but look all around you how dark it is.” Lucy replied. 

“That’s why we stars make our own light,” it said.

“But how?” 

“Simple, just think of all the light you have ever seen and put it all in your head at the same time and swallow it,” explained the star.

At first Lucy managed to twinkle a little bit, but then she thought about how her room shines when she lights up her mirrors and she began to glow nearly brighter than the star beside her. She looked around herself and saw that her light made everything quite clear. She could see her toy ambulance roof missing and three tiny people with their hands over their eyes as shade trying to look at her. She should probably get back to them. With that thought,  she began to sink down without doing anything. But when Lucy landed on the ground again her toys were no where to be found. She was worried, but not nearly as worried as before because she had her own light to show her the way.

In a Box?

She started to walk and looked down at the ground. There were roads made of wood with lines in it that made lanes. This reminded her of something, but she couldn’t figure it out. She continued walking without paying attention. What was the point of paying attention when she didn’t know where she was or where she was going? Suddenly her face hit something, it was a wall. Stunned, she turned around and walked the other direction, this time with her hands out in front of her. Soon she hit another wall. She realized that she was trapped in an enormous box. How could this happen? (It was not really a giant box, but Lucy didn’t know that and began to panic.) 

Tired of running into walls, she began walking in circles and demanded for her toys to come to her aid. Sadly they did not, and Lucy wondered what she was going to do. All alone, sad, and scared, Lucy’s light dimmed and she wanted to cry. Just as a tear filled her eye, she heard a faint sobbing from somewhere nearby. She walked toward it and her face hit something rubber. She forgot to put her hands in front of her. This was no wall! She felt it, and it seemed to be a giant shoe. She followed it to the top of the shoe to find a foot in the shoe which was connected to a leg. Then the leg moved. It was a giant! 

The giant sat up and asked, “Who’s there? Mommy?”  

Lucy replied, “No, are you okay?”

The giant who appeared to be a young girl stammered, “No, I am scared.” 

“Of what?” Lucy asked. 

The girl sniffled, “The dark…I am stuck and I don’t like it here.”

“The dark’s not so bad, once you get used to it, and if you know the secret,” Lucy said. 

“What secret?” begged the girl. 

“Well did you know that you have light inside of you that is waiting to come out?” Lucy asked.

“Really? How do you get it out?”

Lucy had completely forgotten that she was in the dark because she was too worried about the scared girl to care. Very kindly, Lucy taught the little girl how to make her light up. After a little practice, the little girl was glowing like a firefly and she noticed something. 

“Hey you’re not glowing, aren’t you afraid of the dark?” asked the girl. 

“I guess I am not anymore, the dark isn’t so bad once you get used to it,” replied Lucy. 

 “Well I am glad you taught me how to light up, the dark will never scare me again,” said the girl. 

Then out of no where, Lucy’s toy ambulance came zooming towards them. It stopped in front of Lucy, and the back doors swung open. 

“I guess its time for me to go,” said Lucy as she climbed in, “Don’t forget what I taught you,” she called to the girl. 

“I won’t!” the girl called. 

And with that the ambulance drove off at lightning speed. This time the ride did not seem as crazy as the first. Lucy was very calm and peaceful; she had overcome her greatest fear and there was nothing to worry about. After a few minutes that felt like a life time, the ambulance slowly stopped and the back door opened. Lucy stepped out into her dark closet where the door was open. She walked out. As soon as she left the closet, she grew back to her normal size. Feeling tingly and dizzy all over, she climbed into bed and fell asleep. 

 

Afraid Not

She woke up the next morning to her mother rubbing her back.

“Lucy, wake up. It’s time for school,” she said. 

Lucy slowly sat up; looking at her mother’s smiling face. 

“Was it all a dream?” she wondered. 

She climbed out of bed and looked around the room. Something was different. Her mirrors, they were gone. Her mother was walking out the door, but Lucy called to her. “Mom, where are my mirrors?”

“What mirrors, dear?” her mother asked. 

“All of the mirrors I had in my room, you know, because I was afraid of the dark?” she said timidly, she had never told her mother that.  

“Since when were you afraid of the dark?” her mother asked. 

“Remember that day, you know that day I got locked in the closet?” she asked. 

“Yes, I do but…” 

She cut her mother off, “Well I got so scared in there, remember, and ever since then I have been afraid of the dark.”

“Honey, you must have had a bad dream because that is not what happened that day,” said her mother. 

“What?” she said, confused.

Her mother explained, “I do remember that day, but when I found you, you were playing with your ambulance in the dark, laughing and having a great time. I had to drag you out of there for supper. You were going on about this tiny girl who taught you how to glow in the dark!”

Lucy’s mouth hung open. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing! How could she wake up one day and her life be so different? Then it hit her.

“That was me, I was in my closet. I am not afraid of the dark anymore!” Lucy blurted. 

“Are you alright?” her mother asked, “You are acting a little strange.”

“Oh, I’m great!” exclaimed Lucy. 

“Well, you better hurry up and get ready for school, you are running late,” her mother warned as she left the room. 

“Ok,” Lucy said.

She took her time getting ready that morning; she was in shock from the previous night. When she was ready, she walked over to her toy box and opened it, out of curiosity. She dug through the toys and found one of the hospital people and picked it up. She looked at it carefully, and she could have sworn it winked at her. 

 

Loved

This is not some unrequited love.

Watching You from a distance

longing for You as You look the other way.

That is the lie that someone wants me to believe

 

It is two lovers running toward one another

after a long absence.

If I stop

You continue towards me

ever seeking our embrace.

 

Always the gentleman,

Your hand is extended eagerly

asking me to dance.

You wait for my response.

 

If I play hard to get

You don’t give up

You pursue this frightened heart

With gestures of love and affection

Winning it over one love song at a time

 

For the breadth, length, height, and depth of Your love

is beyond compare

an endless ocean

impossible to understand.

 

All You want is surrender.

Enveloped in Your arms,

I am loved just the way I am.

Near a Heart of Endless Hope

This time tomorrow, I will be a novice with the Sisters, Servants of the Immaculate Heart of Mary. I am excited and just a tad bit nervous for this beautiful, blessed, and big day in my life. This past week, I was on retreat preparing for my reception into the IHM congregation. It was a blessed week, and I used some of my time to create artwork, something I love, but don’t do enough. I would like to share the fruits of my prayer and contemplation, an image of Our Lady of Perpetual Help. We were founded by a Redemptorist, and so we have a special devotion to this lovely lady. Below the image, I have included a Redemptorist prayer. Please pray for me as I continue to pray for all of you.

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Mother of Perpetual Help, Woman of Eternal Hope,

your wordless gaze tells us so much about you.

Knowing eyes look upon us with tender love.

The slight bend of your head reveals such maternal concern.

While your left hand supports the Child, your right hand is ready to receive us, too.

Just as He feels the beating of your heart, so you encourage us to lead a life of hope and holiness.

Just as His  sandal will fall on your lap, through your intercession may God pick us up as we stumble and fall.

Never let us be parted from you and your son,  Jesus.

Lady of love, you invite us to place our hand where His fingers touch yours — near a heart of endless hope

So that we may be united often in prayer here on earth and joined forever with you in heaven.

Amen.

Bread for Others

People are hungry.

I pray that you feed them. 

I hear Your voice, “Give them food yourself.”

But what do I have to offer?

A meager offering of bread

This is all I have. 

Take my poor offering Lord. 

I lay it down before You.

Bless it. 

Multiply it. 

Break it. 

Transform my crumbs into an abundance

So that I become bread for others. 

Amen.

 

Inspired by Luke 9:11-17

His Peace

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.” John 14:27

The world is swirling around us

Too easily we get caught up in the turmoil and distress

Our hearts become restless, frantic, and fearful

Fear not!

Jesus gives us the gift of His peace

If we allow His peace to sink into our hearts

We begin to slow down and breathe again

While all of our problems will not disappear

Something greater happens

We are assured of Christ’s abiding presence and love

When the storm rages and threatens all that we hold dear

He is there to calm our hearts

When the thunder frightens you, run into His arms

He will hold you close

When the wind tries to blow you away, hold His hand

He will keep you grounded

When the rain pummels you, follow His footsteps

He is the way

Storms come and go

But, the peace of Christ is always with us

Take a deep breathe

Allow Christ’s peace to fill you

Know that He is by your side

He will keep you safe a midst the storm

HOPE

Hope is God’s precious gift to us

It brings us closer to His heart where Truth resides

The Truth that God’s love is unconditional

The Truth that we have been redeemed by Christ’s blood

The Truth that suffering is only temporary

The Truth that there is life everlasting if we place our life in God’s hands

Hope tells us it’s okay not to have all the answers

It pulls us out of our self-centeredness

It draws our attention to the climax of human history

Christ’s death and resurrection

Hope allows us to immerse ourselves in this great mystery and be transformed

Transformed by dying to ourselves and living in Christ

In all our brokenness, there is healing

Amidst our trials and suffering, there is something greater being worked out

Our salvation

Hope renews our vision

It helps us see, not our will,

But God’s will woven into our lives

His will for us to be instruments of His love

In an often dark and lonely world

Hope brings light

Where there is light

Darkness cannot overcome it

 

Never lose hope.

Ocean of Grace

I cast my fears and my worries

Into the ocean of Your grace.

Let the waves crash over me

Drench me in your love.

Let the wind, the Spirit, surround me

Fill my soul with hope.

Let the sun warm my heart

Shine your light within me.

 Let my feet sink into the sand

Give me strength to do Your will.

Your grace surpasses the horizon

It is present on every shore.

Lead me to the water Lord.

Amen.

Be Intentional.

My previous Lents, I am embarrassed to admit, are full of broken “resolutions”. I am sure I am not the only out there with this experience. Each Lent, I looked at others who are so faithful and wondered, “How do they do it?” Well, I don’t have an answer to that, but I have my own.

Be intentional. 

This is an idea that my directress has suggested, and I’ve entertained it and put it into practice now and again. Guess what? It works! When you are doing something, especially if it is difficult, offer it up as a prayer for someone.

It all started when I couldn’t get out of bed when my alarm went off. I wanted to get up earlier so my mornings would not be so hectic. So, I put a prayer intention on the action of getting up when the alarm went off. I decided to offer that act up for my sister. When the alarm went off, I wanted to get up not for myself, but for my sister. It was not just about me and my desire, but it became an offering to God for the sake of another.

Preparing for Lent, I knew I wanted to make it this time, so I started to think of ways to help me persevere. Immediately, I thought of this idea of intentionality.

As anyone knows, fasting is a difficult practice, and most of us always have enough to eat. At the twinge of hunger, we look for food. For me fasting has always been trying, especially since there is always an abundance of food at my disposal. So, I decided to make my fasting intentional. I think about all the people in the world who don’t have enough to eat. They live with the constant pangs of hunger. Can’t I endure with a small amount of food? My suffering becomes a sacrifice, an offering for those who suffer. This kind of prayer is powerful!

I know this is a small act and will by no means solve the problem of hunger in our world. However, it brings me closer to those people. I’ve united my suffering with theirs as a prayer for them. Being intentional brings me to a fuller awareness of my own life and the lives of others. When we make sacrifices for others it brings us closer to one another and closer to Christ.

There are so many people in our world to pray for – how do we ever begin? Being intentional is one way to start. Think about your day and all the things you have to do, especially the more difficult ones. Imagine if you placed an intention on these things. You would end up praying for so many people and your day would be one of prayer.

So often we think prayer has to be a period of quiet in a sacred place. It can be, of course, and it is so important to have a quiet time of prayer each day. Yet, we must remember that our work and daily struggles can be our prayer too if we are intentional.

I hope this was helpful because I know this simple, but powerful idea has transformed my own life. Let us pray for God’s grace as we pray, fast, and give alms during these 40 days of Lent.